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“Stress Busters: God's Antidote for Your Hurt”
Psalm 23:5
IPC, April 19, 2009

The older couple had been married for 50 years—50 MISERABLE years!  They fought every day of their marriage.  It was a typical standoff—she would change only if he would—he would only change if she would.  The couple’s children threw a 50^th Wedding Anniversary party.  After the party was over, the wife turned to her husband and said, “We’ve been together for 50 years, and it has been miserable.  We have fought everyday.  Now I think it’s time to change.  In fact, I’ve been praying that things would change.  I’ve been praying that the Lord would take one of us home. And when He answers my prayer—I’m going to go live with my sister in Daytona Beach.”  (Do you know folks like that?) 

We’ve been in an interrupted series on the 23^rd Psalm.  Verse 5 talks about “God’s Antidote for Your Hurt.”  Since we live in an imperfect world, we’re going to be hurt.  You may be hurt in an accident or through illness.  But the deepest hurts you experience will come from people.  Relationships are the greatest source of stress in our lives.  They are also the greatest blessing and joy.  But people do hurt us—it may not always be intentional, but it happens. 

The problem is our response to those hurts is usually wrong.  Before we look at the antidote to hurt, let’s look at five things we shouldn’t do when we’re hurt: 

What NOT to do When You Hurt:

1. We Ignore It.

This is the Clint Eastwood/Jean-Claude Van Damme Approach.  You’ve seen those actors in action.  They suffer in silence. They bite the bullet and refuse to be deterred by the hurt.  There are several ways that we pretend it doesn’t exist:

·         Flat out denial-- “I don’t have a problem.  I’m not hurting.”  People hurt us and we say, “That didn’t hurt.”

·         Minimizing it—“It wasn’t a big deal.  It didn’t hurt me that bad.”

·         Procrastination—We postpone doing anything about it.  Sweep it under the carpet.  We tend to postpone the unpleasant.  Ignoring your hurt never heals it.  People say, “Time heals all wounds,” but sometimes the wound gets really “infected” if we put it off.  Ps. 39:2 “I was mute & silent; I held my peace to no avail, & my distress grew worse.”  Procrastination turns minor problems into major ones.  It gets worse and festers. 

2. We Run From It.

This is the Don Knotts Approach.  Runaway.  Escape.  Retreat.  King David tried this (Ps. 55:6): “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away & be at rest.”  This is human nature.  We tend to run from difficulty.  It is no accident that all exterior doors in public buildings open outward.  When people panic, they run.  We try to get away from our pain through television, alcohol, drugs, divorce, or Disney World.  The problem is, you will still have the same problems when you return.  Nothing is solved or changed. 

3. We Hide It.

Other folks hide hurt.  They keep to themselves and never tell anyone else.  Some folks are quite good at camouflaging pain.  They wear nice clothes and a pleasant smile, but they hide the fact that they’ve been deeply hurt.  We may admit when we’re angry, but we won’t when we’re hurt.  Some folks mask their pain with materialism.  They buy nice cars and nice homes and surround themselves with things and when they hurt, they go shopping.  Possessions never compensate for pain. 

James 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another & pray for one another, that you may be healed.”  You’ve heard me say before, “Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.”  When you share your hurt, that is the starting process for getting over it.  The best place to share is in a small group and that is why I am so “sold” on our Home Fellowship Groups. 

Everyone has hurts.  It’s different for each one, but everybody hurts.  You may think you’re the only one, but you’re not.  Sharing the hurt with the RIGHT people can start you on the pathway to healing. 

4. We Worry about It.

We’ve talked about worry a lot this year.  Worry is an attempt to control the uncontrollable.  Worry is playing God.  Philippians 4 tells us not to worry about anything. Worry won’t solve problems or heal hurts.  All worry does is increase the size of your pain.  Like chewing a granola bar, the more you chew it, the bigger it seems to get. 

5. We Resent It.

It was a classic scene from the old television show called “Amos and Andy.”  You have to be over 50 to even vaguely remember this.  In one show, Amos was tired of Andy’s constant criticism.  Most irritating was Andy’s finger continually be poked into Amos’ chest.  One day Amos could take it no more.  He bought some dynamite, taped it to his chest and told his friend Kingfish, “The next time Andy starts criticizing and thumping his fingers on my chest, this dynamite is going to blow his hand off!”  (Of course, Amos didn’t think about what it might do to his precious chest.) 

Resentment never helps.  Job 5:2 (NIV)“Resentment kills a fool.”  We often become bitter, angry and cynical when people hurt us.  We wallow in self-pity.  Job 18:4 (NIV) “You tear yourself to pieces in your anger.”  Bitterness will always hurt you more than any hurt you may receive.  Bitterness is a poison that will kill you.  It will eat you up on the inside. 

Resentment perpetuates the hurt.  It takes an event and keeps it going.  Bitterness allows people who hurt you in the past to continue to hurt you now.   

If none of these five approaches will heal my hurt, then what do I do?  Verse 5 of Psalm 23 changes the scene from outside in a field to an indoor feast.  David uses the image of a banquet and gives us three symbols that illustrate what we need in order for God to heal our hurts.  “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”   

What God Says to Do When You Hurt:

1. Let Him Settle the Score.

David says, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies…”  Sheep have many natural enemies—wild animals, snakes, ticks… Sheep are very defenseless animals.  They don’t have sharp teeth to bite with.  They don’t have claws.  They can’t kick.  They can’t run very fast.  They can’t be safe unless someone protects them. 

The job of a shepherd is to find a good table land, a mesa and he needs to drive out all the enemies.  Then he brings the sheep and gives them a safe place to eat. 

God says, “Let Me handle all those who have hurt you.”  Rom. 12:17 & 19 “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.  Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”   God knows the people who hurt you.  He can settle the score.  The Bible tells us that one day God WILL settle the score.  There is a heaven, there is a hell and there is a judgment day.  He has far more resources to settle the score than you do.  You will not get over your hurt by seeking revenge.  You have to decide: Will I get revenge or will I get well?  You can’t do both. 

The only way to get relief is through forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re saying, “It’s OK that you hurt me.”  Forgiveness is not saying, “It didn’t hurt.”  Forgiveness is giving our hurt to God and letting Him handle it.  Trust God to handle the situation and don’t try to get even.  Let Him prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies. 

Why should I forgive?

·         You’ve been forgiven by God.

·         Resentment only makes you miserable.

·         You’re going to need more forgiveness in the future yourself.  Matt. 5:7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”  What you dole out comes back to you.   

2. Let Jesus Soothe My Wounds.

“You anoint my head with oil.”  Shepherds put oil on the heads of sheep for two reasons—to soothe and to heal.  The worst daily enemy of sheep are flies.  They can’t shake off flies with their hooves or their tails.  When flies are swarming, they get up into the sheep’s noses and lay eggs. The larva drive them crazy.  It causes some sheep to bang their heads against rocks. 

Isn’t it amazing that it’s the little things in life that really irritate us?  The shepherd takes olive oil and mixes it with sulfur and anoints the head of the sheep and it becomes an insect repellant.  This represents the shepherd saying, “I’ll take care of the irritations.” 

The other way oil is used is as a salve or ointment.  When a sheep has an open wound, the shepherd applies oil to protect them from infection and to soothe the pain.  When David says, “You anoint my head with oil,” he is saying that God is going to soothe your wounds. 

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.”   God not only settles the score, but He does repair work.  He will restore your spirit. Once you’ve forgiven a person who hurt you, does that mean that the pain goes away?  No.  Forgiveness is instant—restoration takes time. 

When you get a small cut, you don’t need a band-aid (unless you really like your Barney band-aids.)  The deeper the wound in your life (divorce, rejection by your parents, molestation, etc.) those things don’t heal quickly.  A deep wound must be dressed and bandaged.  Some Christians think that once they’ve forgiven a hurt, they are immediately well.  They’re not.  The first step IS forgiveness, but there is a process in healing your soul and this takes time. 

How does Jesus heal our hurts?  (What bandages does He use?)

·         He uses fellowship.  When you share your hurt, you get emotional support.  Find a trusted Christian friend.  Get a support group.

·         He uses prayer.  When you’re hurt, you need to talk it out.  Unload it on God.

·         He uses worship.  There is healing power in praise.  Have you ever come to church when you’re down and the music starts and the tears begin?  This is emotional healing.  God uses praise and His Word to build us up and to bind our wounds.

·         He uses ministry.  This is helping others who have been hurt, too.  When you help others, it helps you. 

If you’re hurting from a major hurt right now, please understand two things.  Two phases of healing:

(1)    The “be still” phase.  You lay in bed after surgery.  Or they put a cast on your broken arm so you can’t move it.

(2)    After a while, they cut the cast off and tell you that you can move your body.  This is the “get moving” stage.  There are people trained to do this—we call them Physical Terrorists (Therapists).  We like to get mad at these people because they challenge us and make us do things that we don’t want to do. 

A lot of folks stay in the “be still” phase.  When God prods them, they tend to get angry at God.  God wants us to quit our “pity parties” and get out in ministry and serve others.  There is a time to “be still and know that He is God.”  Some of you have stayed in that stage for too long.  Healing comes through serving others. 

Even after you are healed, you’re going to have a scar.  When you have a scar you have two choices: every time you look at the scar you can either remember your hurt or you can remember your Healer and the healing.  That is your alternative.  Look at the scar and think of God’s grace.  When you remember the defeat, the failure, the divorce, the hurt, you think, “I’m a trophy of God’s grace.”  Instead of focusing on the hurt, focus on the Healer. 

3. Let Jesus Satisfy My Needs.

“My cup overflows.”  In the Middle East, an overflowing cup is a symbol for total satisfaction.  It means, “I’ve got everything that I need.”  In the Middle East, it is mostly desert.  When someone gives you a cup that is overflowing, it means they’ve wasted something—water or wine.  You don’t waste water or wine in the desert unless you’ve got more than you need. 

If you need to get over a hurt, you need to look to God to meet all your needs.  Why is that statement important?  The major reason we get hurt is we expect other people to meet needs that only God can meet.  No person can give you absolute security in life.  No one person can give you all the love you need.  God never meant for you to have all your needs met by another human being.  You have needs that only God can meet.  When you expect other people to meet those needs, you’re going to be resentful because they can’t do it.  They can’t love you unconditionally 24/7.  They may want but they can’t because they are not God. 

God, though, can meet all of your needs.  He never runs dry.  He never has a bad mood.  He never lets you down.  If you look to Him, your cup will overflow. 

Overflow with what? 

·         With Hope.  Romans 15:13 (LB) “God will help you overflow with hope in him through the Holy Spirit’s power within you.” 

·         With Love.  I Thes. 3:12 (LB) “May the Lord make your love grow & overflow.”

·         With Joy.  John 16:24 (LB) “Ask, using my name, & you will receive & your cup of joy will overflow.” 

When you’re visiting in someone’s home, have you ever wondered how long you’re supposed to stay or when you’re supposed to leave?  Or have you had someone at your house and they overstayed their welcome and you didn’t know how to tell them to “get lost?”  There was a Middle Eastern custom that everyone knew had to do with filling the cup.  If you came to someone’s house, even if you were a total stranger (in the desert strangers take care of strangers), the first thing you do is offer them a cup of water or wine.  They drink the cup and you refill it.  They drink that cup and you refill it.  As long as the cup kept being refilled meant that you were welcome to stay.  If you came to someone’s house and after several refills, they leave your cup empty, it meant your time was up…it’s time to leave.  If the host decided he really liked the person and wanted him to stay a long time, he would take the cup and fill it, not only to the rim, but he would let it overflow.  You don’t waste water or wine in the desert.  But when an overflowing cup was shown, it was a symbol that you can stay as long as you want.  It means that you’re special. 

When God says to you, “I want to fill your cup to overflowing,” it means that you matter to God.  If you’re hurting because someone has hurt you badly, Jesus invites you to a banquet.  He says, “I’ll prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies.  I’ll anoint your head with oil.  Your cup will overflow.”  God will settle the score, He’ll soothe your wounds and He’ll satisfy every one of your needs.  God’s banquet is a deal you cannot refuse.  It’s much better than lunch at the Varsity.  It is a banquet of wholeness, help and salvation.  Let’s pray.